Thoughts on the Body
Today I was driving a long way to visit some friends. Windows down, and music up, the weather was hot and windy. I was sweating a lot, thanks to my double front binder, and two shirts to make myself look virtually flat chested. Feeling gross for sweating, I pulled over and took my shirts off, and decided to drive in my binder. Two trains of thought came from this action.
1) Chest surgery. I longed for chest surgery for the first time today. I had thought about surgery critically before, knowing that at some point I would like to get it because binding down size C boobs tends to be both tedious and painful. I am used to the discomfort now, but I know in the long run, binding would give me back problems. Not to mention that I have a long line of breast cancer in my family, and electing for what would essentially be a double mastectomy would reduce my risk significantly (more than one doctor I have talked to has told me this). However, what made me long for surgery today was the thought of being able to just take my shirt off when it gets hot and drive my car, or swim, or walk around without having to keep an article of clothing on, when I feel like it shouldn’t be there. That would be fucking amazing.
2) Police, and institutionalized violence. The second train of thought that went through my mind was, “What if I get pulled over by the cops? Would they ask me about the binder (as opposed to if I were wearing a sports bra, bikini top or tank top)? Would they see the ‘F’ on my license, and my genderqueer appearance and decide to harass/assault/discriminate against me?”. Institutionalized brutality against transgender individuals is a reality we should all be aware of. It’s often easier to pretend like it doesn’t exist in order to feel comfortable and safe feeling you. However, it is my opinion that it is important acknowledge discrimination because it is the first step in organizing to create change. And well…I like activism. 
I am not sure where this entry is going. But I wanted to get my thoughts down before I lost them.
Filed under: All Posts, Social Justice, Transition
