Passing In Male Spaces
Being gendered correctly in male spaces is not something I have been granted consistently. And when I am granted that, I tend to be timid, disbelieving, and shy – which seems to perpetuate people’s hesitancy to label my gender. It’s an interesting phenomena, really.
Anyways, the other day I realized that I was reading as male consistently in class. There are two other men in my class, and during our break, I went outside and saw them sitting on a bench talking. I walked up and joined in on the conversation. When I mentioned a past girlfriend, no one blinked an eye. When one man asked the other “What did he say?”, they used correct pronouns. I felt like I was just granted access to a space where I have typically not been included in. And while this was not specifically an exclusive male space, something about the atmosphere and the demeanor in which we were interacting indicated that things would have been different had a female appearing person walked over.
Or maybe I am just reading too far into this.
I suppose my nervousness in males paces can be largely attributed to my outlook on heterosexual male spaces as “macho” places – whether it be group conversations, bars, locker rooms, or male sporting events. Just another way that anxiety, identity, presentation, and confidence intersect for me.
The idea that male equates to masculine, butch, and macho is incredibly frustrating for me. I know the recent debates over the “Top Hot Butches” list has brought a lot of this to the forefront, especially through a series of comments and responses.
And I have to say that I understand the frustration that my peers are expressing. Its incredibly daunting knowing that one’s identity may be perceived in a certain light because of their gender presentation – whether it’s their gender itself, sexuality, or expression of assumed masculinity or femininity.
I am not really sure what else to write on this topic, but I wanted to get my thoughts out in order to process through some of this later.
Filed under: All Posts, Cultural Analysis
Congrats on being gendered correctly – may it come more easily to them and may your comfort in this come more easily to you as time goes on.
I was wondering if you could/would say more about masculinity/femininity and some of these other identifier adjectives as they relate to male/female gender presentation…
OK, I’m flying my cis privilege flag here I know. Please don’t feel obligated to respond. In an attempt to educate myself I’ve run across these terms more than once and I’m struggling with the difference between these identifiers:
masculine
butch
macho
I have experienced that these are all stereotypically equated with “male”, but how do they relate to one another? What is the difference, specifically, between them? (Is there a difference?)
I “feel” a difference when I read these words but I can’t articulate it, and I guess what I’m trying to understand is what they mean to someone who uses or recognizes subtleties between them as identifiers in hopes that I can sensitive to those expressions of gender and identity.
PS – Thanks for the link in your blogroll.
i’ve had the rare, odd experience with this (nobody gave me magic ‘passing cookies’ like they did you, apparently lol), but when it does happen, i get a teeny bit spooked for a moment, sure that i’m going to do something to give myself away (like i’m getting away with something?). so i understand where you’re coming from…
“Being gendered correctly in male spaces is not something I have been granted consistently. And when I am granted that, I tend to be timid, disbelieving, and shy – which seems to perpetuate people’s hesitancy to label my gender. It’s an interesting phenomena, really.”
Same here. Cissexual straight (as far as I know) men make me nervous if I’m ID’d as male, resentful if I’m ID’d as female, and this doesn’t happen as much with cissexual straight (as far as I know) women. I don’t really know why. Perhaps because I only truly came out a few years ago and have to weigh 72% of my life spent identifying as a girl and 82% spent interacting with the world as a girl and only, respectively, 28% identifying as a boy and 18% attempting and sometimes succeeding in interacting with the world as a boy. That’s a pretty big margin in favor of female socialization.
Maybe I want acceptance from males as a male, so I’m nervous their reading of me will change, or resentful that I won’t get it because they see me as female. And have more practice interacting with women as either male or female so I’m not as nervous.
In trans and queer spaces I don’t have much trouble asserting correct pronouns even with straight cissexual (known in this case) allies, and don’t care as much if they are thinking male, female, or tranny.
It is, indeed, a phenomenon.