Comments on: Thanksgiving Pt. 2 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/ chomping gender normativity Wed, 04 Aug 2010 02:15:37 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Theo http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2121 Theo Tue, 22 Dec 2009 13:30:06 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-2121 It's weird how those grating pronouns work. They seem to hurt the most when you're most assertive of your identy. Huck, you've heard "she" before, but they didn't make you want to die back then (when you presented as female-looking), right? Not saying you're crazy now, just trying to bring a little more clarity so you'll make it through the dark nights. For me, hearing the wrong ones all my life was always sad, but after I started wearing gender markings, they became much worse, often wrecking the entire day and night. During a period when I had "given up" they were still sad, maybe ruining the next hour or so, but then when I started really asserting my identity again they became totally disruptive again. I got one recently and it made me want to die. I have to think clearly on my own history and my own situation and remember that those words weren't always the bombs and daggers that they are to me today. These comments were a powerful, moving exchange to read. Thank you, Sister and Huck. It’s weird how those grating pronouns work. They seem to hurt the most when you’re most assertive of your identy. Huck, you’ve heard “she” before, but they didn’t make you want to die back then (when you presented as female-looking), right? Not saying you’re crazy now, just trying to bring a little more clarity so you’ll make it through the dark nights.

For me, hearing the wrong ones all my life was always sad, but after I started wearing gender markings, they became much worse, often wrecking the entire day and night. During a period when I had “given up” they were still sad, maybe ruining the next hour or so, but then when I started really asserting my identity again they became totally disruptive again. I got one recently and it made me want to die. I have to think clearly on my own history and my own situation and remember that those words weren’t always the bombs and daggers that they are to me today.

These comments were a powerful, moving exchange to read. Thank you, Sister and Huck.

]]> By: albins http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-2101 albins Sat, 19 Dec 2009 19:06:07 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-2101 I'm sorry I've got nothing better to say, but thanks for sharing this. I’m sorry I’ve got nothing better to say, but thanks for sharing this.

]]> By: Girlfriend http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1971 Girlfriend Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:38:38 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-1971 to Huck's sister-- I, too, must apologize for posting my gut reaction, in anger and sadness at reading your initial comments. I am sorry that you misunderstood my post. Please understand, I did not mean to be so attacking: I guess my emotions showed through my writing more than I meant them to. I was trying to say some of the things that Huck's roommate put so eloquently, but it just came out wrong. You're right, I don't know you, and I wasn't there. I'm glad to hear your side of the story about Thanksgiving as well. When I said that, to me, loving is acceptance and understanding, I didn't so much mean you had to "agree" with Huck as doing what you say you are doing (in the Christian sense), of loving the sinner and not the sin. Like Huck's roommate said, you can choose to move forward and love fiercely, working through the hard stuff. Total compliance with something you believe is wrong is not required to love Huck, that's not what I meant. But, as with any difficult topic, there is compromise involved. Although the posts between you and Huck are heartbreaking, it's clear that you have love for him and for your family, and that is uplifting. Huck's roommate said everything best. Huck's Girlfriend to Huck’s sister–
I, too, must apologize for posting my gut reaction, in anger and sadness at reading your initial comments. I am sorry that you misunderstood my post. Please understand, I did not mean to be so attacking: I guess my emotions showed through my writing more than I meant them to. I was trying to say some of the things that Huck’s roommate put so eloquently, but it just came out wrong.

You’re right, I don’t know you, and I wasn’t there. I’m glad to hear your side of the story about Thanksgiving as well. When I said that, to me, loving is acceptance and understanding, I didn’t so much mean you had to “agree” with Huck as doing what you say you are doing (in the Christian sense), of loving the sinner and not the sin. Like Huck’s roommate said, you can choose to move forward and love fiercely, working through the hard stuff. Total compliance with something you believe is wrong is not required to love Huck, that’s not what I meant. But, as with any difficult topic, there is compromise involved. Although the posts between you and Huck are heartbreaking, it’s clear that you have love for him and for your family, and that is uplifting.

Huck’s roommate said everything best.

Huck’s Girlfriend

]]> By: Huck http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1969 Huck Mon, 30 Nov 2009 02:48:08 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-1969 Sister, Thanks for apologizing for getting angry. I think you are the first of the family to do that, honestly, and I appreciate it. Also thanks for clarifying about the “broken family” part. You may not think that I stop and realize that you all are hurting, but I do think about that every day. I have been thinking about that since I thought about the idea of coming out. I knew I would run risk of loosing all of you, and that is why it took me so long to ever say anything. You are right, our definition of love and respect is different. I have never said you have to agree with me or understand me. I NEVER said that. My definition of love says this: even though I highly disagree with and do not believe in the fact that you do mission trips, I still love you. It means that even though I fundamentally disagree with things that are very important in your life, I will still support you in them because I see that they make you happy and I love you. By my definition, even though you fundamentally disagree with me being transgender and do not understand it, if you truly loved me, you would support me because you would see that it makes me happy. I am sorry we have different definitions of love because this will make things very hard for the both of us. I understand that we are all humans and make mistakes. However, I need to clarify something for you – being transgender is NOT a decision. I would still be transgender if I never told you anything. Like being gay, this is NO choice. The choice is in telling my family or hiding it and lying all my life. I chose to live my truth, no matter how hard it is for you and others, and for that I will not apologize. You said “…another contradiction. Isnt that exactly what Huck is doing to my parents?” in relation to my girlfriend’s comments. To that I must say “what?”. Being myself is not going against my parents. They may not have expected this, but last I checked, they don’t feel disrespected or unloved merely because I am living my life. I am sorry that it is difficult for them that living my life includes being transgender. Trust me, I would give ANYTHING not to be. ANYTHING. You are right, I didn’t want to fight at Thanksgiving. Like you, this entry was written in haste with anger and sadness. What I meant, and what I do want, is for you, mom, dad, and our brother to stop pretending like this doesn’t exist and meet me half way. What I feel like (and I understand if you don’t ever get this) is that you are not meeting me halfway with the communication. The only family member who has tried to discuss this with me, no matter how hard it is for both of us, prior to this entry is mom. It’s been nearly a year, and this is the first time you have ever said anything about my transness. And I am sorry, Sister, but I don’t trust that you would react differently in person. The way you yelled at me through the internet likely wouldn’t have changed in person. I would love to have a loving conversation with you about my identity in person sometime. And I believe you did not read my entry clearly enough. Again, this was me expressing my feelings, NOT attacking you or anyone else. I will NEVER commit suicide, but that does not change the fact that I have battled with thoughts of suicide and depression for nearly my entire life (because I didn’t know why I was different, and then when I figured out why, I did everything I could to NOT be transgender – other than kill myself which was the last option left when I came out). I appreciate you saying that we will can talk, and that you will try and understand better. That is all I want right now. I don’t expect you or anyone else in the family to call me by my chosen name or he right now, but I do want you all to realize that it is not easy for me to hear “she”. We are all hurting deeply right now. You all because it’s not easy having a transgender loved one come out, and me because I am saddened that simply hearing “she” and my birth name for one day made me feel like I was being gang-forced back into lying about myself and my identity and my truth. I didn’t say anything at Thanksgiving because I wanted everyone to have a good time, and I wanted to deal will my feelings on my own. But I can’t change the fact that hearing “she” (after nearly a year of being out and happy and finally at peace with myself) hurts me. I am glad you do not think poorly of me, and I am sorry that I assumed that. I did not realize that you were “under the impression that we were just going to look past it,”. I am sorry I mislead you like that. Unfortunately, this is not something we can all look past. Five, ten years from now, I will not be able to keep being around people that call me “she”. I am patient, but I can’t have anyone come to my wedding that doesn’t fully accept me as a me. I know that is hard to understand now, but that is why I am patient and will wait as long as I can – I just cannot wait forever. As for “bashing your family on a public blog without confronting them about it first” – that is not true. I have talked to mom consistently since day one. I didn’t know how to start conversations with you or our brother because, like I said before, you didn’t ever reply to my initial messages a year ago. I was simply waiting for you both to have some time, and the willingness to open up. I am sorry, however, that I didn’t try to message you again later. I don’t blame so much on the family, and I am sorry you feel like that. I don’t expect you to be perfect, but I do expect you to be open-minded and willing to understand. “Sometimes you have to analyze yourself and your actions and the consequences of your actions”. What does this mean? And again, you don’t live with me so you all don’t see this – but I put myself in your shoes every day. I lived the lie as long as I could for my family as nontransgender people, and trust me when I say that it was coming out and being myself or death. I am sorry if that is harsh, but it is what I went through and how much internal struggle I had with telling you. I love you too, Sister, and I hope one day we can get to an understanding of each other. With love, Huck Sister,

Thanks for apologizing for getting angry. I think you are the first of the family to do that, honestly, and I appreciate it. Also thanks for clarifying about the “broken family” part. You may not think that I stop and realize that you all are hurting, but I do think about that every day. I have been thinking about that since I thought about the idea of coming out. I knew I would run risk of loosing all of you, and that is why it took me so long to ever say anything.

You are right, our definition of love and respect is different. I have never said you have to agree with me or understand me. I NEVER said that. My definition of love says this: even though I highly disagree with and do not believe in the fact that you do mission trips, I still love you. It means that even though I fundamentally disagree with things that are very important in your life, I will still support you in them because I see that they make you happy and I love you. By my definition, even though you fundamentally disagree with me being transgender and do not understand it, if you truly loved me, you would support me because you would see that it makes me happy. I am sorry we have different definitions of love because this will make things very hard for the both of us.

I understand that we are all humans and make mistakes. However, I need to clarify something for you – being transgender is NOT a decision. I would still be transgender if I never told you anything. Like being gay, this is NO choice. The choice is in telling my family or hiding it and lying all my life. I chose to live my truth, no matter how hard it is for you and others, and for that I will not apologize.

You said “…another contradiction. Isnt that exactly what Huck is doing to my parents?” in relation to my girlfriend’s comments. To that I must say “what?”. Being myself is not going against my parents. They may not have expected this, but last I checked, they don’t feel disrespected or unloved merely because I am living my life. I am sorry that it is difficult for them that living my life includes being transgender. Trust me, I would give ANYTHING not to be. ANYTHING.

You are right, I didn’t want to fight at Thanksgiving. Like you, this entry was written in haste with anger and sadness. What I meant, and what I do want, is for you, mom, dad, and our brother to stop pretending like this doesn’t exist and meet me half way. What I feel like (and I understand if you don’t ever get this) is that you are not meeting me halfway with the communication. The only family member who has tried to discuss this with me, no matter how hard it is for both of us, prior to this entry is mom. It’s been nearly a year, and this is the first time you have ever said anything about my transness.

And I am sorry, Sister, but I don’t trust that you would react differently in person. The way you yelled at me through the internet likely wouldn’t have changed in person. I would love to have a loving conversation with you about my identity in person sometime.

And I believe you did not read my entry clearly enough. Again, this was me expressing my feelings, NOT attacking you or anyone else. I will NEVER commit suicide, but that does not change the fact that I have battled with thoughts of suicide and depression for nearly my entire life (because I didn’t know why I was different, and then when I figured out why, I did everything I could to NOT be transgender – other than kill myself which was the last option left when I came out).

I appreciate you saying that we will can talk, and that you will try and understand better. That is all I want right now. I don’t expect you or anyone else in the family to call me by my chosen name or he right now, but I do want you all to realize that it is not easy for me to hear “she”. We are all hurting deeply right now. You all because it’s not easy having a transgender loved one come out, and me because I am saddened that simply hearing “she” and my birth name for one day made me feel like I was being gang-forced back into lying about myself and my identity and my truth. I didn’t say anything at Thanksgiving because I wanted everyone to have a good time, and I wanted to deal will my feelings on my own. But I can’t change the fact that hearing “she” (after nearly a year of being out and happy and finally at peace with myself) hurts me.

I am glad you do not think poorly of me, and I am sorry that I assumed that. I did not realize that you were “under the impression that we were just going to look past it,”. I am sorry I mislead you like that. Unfortunately, this is not something we can all look past. Five, ten years from now, I will not be able to keep being around people that call me “she”. I am patient, but I can’t have anyone come to my wedding that doesn’t fully accept me as a me. I know that is hard to understand now, but that is why I am patient and will wait as long as I can – I just cannot wait forever.

As for “bashing your family on a public blog without confronting them about it first” – that is not true. I have talked to mom consistently since day one. I didn’t know how to start conversations with you or our brother because, like I said before, you didn’t ever reply to my initial messages a year ago. I was simply waiting for you both to have some time, and the willingness to open up. I am sorry, however, that I didn’t try to message you again later.

I don’t blame so much on the family, and I am sorry you feel like that. I don’t expect you to be perfect, but I do expect you to be open-minded and willing to understand.

“Sometimes you have to analyze yourself and your actions and the consequences of your actions”. What does this mean?

And again, you don’t live with me so you all don’t see this – but I put myself in your shoes every day. I lived the lie as long as I could for my family as nontransgender people, and trust me when I say that it was coming out and being myself or death. I am sorry if that is harsh, but it is what I went through and how much internal struggle I had with telling you.

I love you too, Sister, and I hope one day we can get to an understanding of each other.

With love,
Huck

]]> By: Sister http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1968 Sister Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:44:43 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-1968 To Huck's Roomate- Thank you. Thank you so very much for that. That is the nicest perspective anyone has ever put it in for me. I needed to hear that and I think I will print that out and read that constantly to remind myself. It sounds exactly like something I would say to someone going through this. Thank you, truely and genuinely. You do not know how much that meant to me and how much I appreciate your kindness and optimism. Everything you said was so true, there is not one single thing I could or want to argue with. Thank you also for being empathic towards me and what I am struggling with, I think you are one of the first people to be empathic towards our feeling instead of targeting us as the bad guys. Thank you, I really can not say it enough. I want to move forward and I too, hope that as a family we will. Love Sister To Huck’s Roomate-
Thank you. Thank you so very much for that. That is the nicest perspective anyone has ever put it in for me. I needed to hear that and I think I will print that out and read that constantly to remind myself. It sounds exactly like something I would say to someone going through this. Thank you, truely and genuinely. You do not know how much that meant to me and how much I appreciate your kindness and optimism. Everything you said was so true, there is not one single thing I could or want to argue with. Thank you also for being empathic towards me and what I am struggling with, I think you are one of the first people to be empathic towards our feeling instead of targeting us as the bad guys. Thank you, I really can not say it enough. I want to move forward and I too, hope that as a family we will.

Love

Sister

]]> By: Sister http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1967 Sister Sun, 29 Nov 2009 20:16:03 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-1967 Ok, first off I want to start off by sayin that I am sorry for responding in fleshly fleshly anger last night. I was quite upset, as an normal person would be if they read that about their family. Girlfriend and Huck- What you and my sister/brother need to first understand is what i meant when I said "rip my family apart" or "broken family". I do not mean as a whole. I mean individually. My sister/brother nor anyone or anything could ever tear us apart as a whole but individually we are all hurting from this. I do not think yall stop and take the time to realize that you're not the only one crying and having a hard time. Next, our definition of love, respect, and accept is obvioudly quite different. Mine is based on a biblical view, i do not have to know everything and accept everything a person does in order to love them. I am loving the sinner and not the sin. What that means is that I love you but I do not love your decision to be transgender. Please do not pull the Christian card on me Huck. You are just contradicting yourelf because I am trying to be as Christ like as I can and maybe you just need to refresh yourself on the Bible but I AM human and I do make mistakes. People think christians are suppose to be these perfect people but wake up, they arent. To the Girlfriend, you said "it is downright disrespectful and unloving to expressly go against someone's wishes"- another contradiction. Isnt that exactly what Huck is doing to my parents? And also you were not there at Thanksgiving, I showed her/him love and hugged her/him and talked to her/him. We never once talked about it or got angry about it so I have no clue why you wrote "So why couldn't you show some love while you were there, instead of getting angry about feelings that are hard to air, esp during a holiday?" Thank you for agreeing with me bc that is exactly what I was saying to Huck. Did you even read what Huck wrote before I commented? I did not just come out with all that stuff, it was in response to hat she said and that was exactly my point. Huck said we were wrong for not bringing it up and that she/he wouldve rather argued than said nothing at all but personally I would like to enjoy my Thanksgiving esp since we were only there about 24 hrs, why would i want to fight? You also said "I know Huck wanted to talk about things, but if you react like this to a blog post how would you have reacted in person? Well, obviously you do not know me. I am not someone who gets angry easily, i rarely yell. I would have reacted ALOT different if my sister/brother would have taken these issues straight to use instead of bashing us on a public blog. Huck, in your first paragraph you said "that must really suck for you", maybe i read it wrong but that just sounds extremely insensitive to me. In your second paragraph you wrote "It is not my responsibility to control your feelings" Thank you again for agreeing with me bc that is exactly what I was trying to explain to you. It is not mine, moms, dads, or my brothers responsibility to make you happy or control your feelings. I would NEVER EVER want you to commit suicide and I hate that you have thoughts about it, but we do NOT control that. In your third paragraph, I called you selfish bc in your first letter you wrote that you were upset bc WE didnt initiate the converstaion on THANKSGIVING and your calling me selfish for saying I think you should initiate the conversation. I was making the point that you shouldnt just expect us to come out and talk about it when you yourself never mention it either. I realize this is hard for all of us and a sensitive subject but you have had alot of time to struggle with these feelings and changes on your own before you ever even told us your decision and now you just expect us to be totally accepting and do things we do not agree with. I do admit I have never talked to you about this before and I apologize but that does not mean I am unwilling to listen. I am ready, lets talk. However, just bc we talk does not mean i will call you he and by your chosen name, however, i will try to understand better. I love you and God loves you. I am not picking and choosing my love with you. My love has not changed for you since Day 1. Seventeen years, my love for you has always been the same and NOTHING could ever change that. We just have a different definition of love. You said in your fifth paragraph that I think poorly of you but that is an assumption bc I do NOT think poorly of you and you have to understand that. In your sixth paragraph, you said that we ran and you did not push, but I would have to strongly disagree with that statement. In your seventh message you said "why did you never send me a message?" I did not send you a message bc it is not a problem or struggle for me to talk about it with you. Whether you tell me more about it or dont, that still does not change my love for you. I was under the impression that we were just going to look past it. You never told me it was that important to you to talk about it and that is why i did not message you or call you. You also said "why are you so hostile?" I am not hostile but I did act out of anger and I apologize, but you kinda did bash my family on a public blog without confronting them about any of that first. You also said, "you blame me" but honestly Huck, I dont. I was making a point. You blame so much on the family and how we act like you expect us to be perfect. Sometimes you have to analyze yourself and your actions and the concequences of your actions. I hope we are able to talk about this soon. I just really want yall to stop for a second and put yourself in our shoes, as your family and as of nontransgender people. I will listen but you have to talk in order for me to listen. I love you whether you believe it or not. Hope this cleared up some things for you, Huck, and all the other readers. With love, Sister Ok, first off I want to start off by sayin that I am sorry for responding in fleshly fleshly anger last night. I was quite upset, as an normal person would be if they read that about their family.

Girlfriend and Huck- What you and my sister/brother need to first understand is what i meant when I said “rip my family apart” or “broken family”. I do not mean as a whole. I mean individually. My sister/brother nor anyone or anything could ever tear us apart as a whole but individually we are all hurting from this. I do not think yall stop and take the time to realize that you’re not the only one crying and having a hard time. Next, our definition of love, respect, and accept is obvioudly quite different. Mine is based on a biblical view, i do not have to know everything and accept everything a person does in order to love them. I am loving the sinner and not the sin. What that means is that I love you but I do not love your decision to be transgender. Please do not pull the Christian card on me Huck. You are just contradicting yourelf because I am trying to be as Christ like as I can and maybe you just need to refresh yourself on the Bible but I AM human and I do make mistakes. People think christians are suppose to be these perfect people but wake up, they arent. To the Girlfriend, you said “it is downright disrespectful and unloving to expressly go against someone’s wishes”- another contradiction. Isnt that exactly what Huck is doing to my parents? And also you were not there at Thanksgiving, I showed her/him love and hugged her/him and talked to her/him. We never once talked about it or got angry about it so I have no clue why you wrote “So why couldn’t you show some love while you were there, instead of getting angry about feelings that are hard to air, esp during a holiday?” Thank you for agreeing with me bc that is exactly what I was saying to Huck. Did you even read what Huck wrote before I commented? I did not just come out with all that stuff, it was in response to hat she said and that was exactly my point. Huck said we were wrong for not bringing it up and that she/he wouldve rather argued than said nothing at all but personally I would like to enjoy my Thanksgiving esp since we were only there about 24 hrs, why would i want to fight? You also said “I know Huck wanted to talk about things, but if you react like this to a blog post how would you have reacted in person? Well, obviously you do not know me. I am not someone who gets angry easily, i rarely yell. I would have reacted ALOT different if my sister/brother would have taken these issues straight to use instead of bashing us on a public blog. Huck, in your first paragraph you said “that must really suck for you”, maybe i read it wrong but that just sounds extremely insensitive to me. In your second paragraph you wrote “It is not my responsibility to control your feelings” Thank you again for agreeing with me bc that is exactly what I was trying to explain to you. It is not mine, moms, dads, or my brothers responsibility to make you happy or control your feelings. I would NEVER EVER want you to commit suicide and I hate that you have thoughts about it, but we do NOT control that. In your third paragraph, I called you selfish bc in your first letter you wrote that you were upset bc WE didnt initiate the converstaion on THANKSGIVING and your calling me selfish for saying I think you should initiate the conversation. I was making the point that you shouldnt just expect us to come out and talk about it when you yourself never mention it either. I realize this is hard for all of us and a sensitive subject but you have had alot of time to struggle with these feelings and changes on your own before you ever even told us your decision and now you just expect us to be totally accepting and do things we do not agree with. I do admit I have never talked to you about this before and I apologize but that does not mean I am unwilling to listen. I am ready, lets talk. However, just bc we talk does not mean i will call you he and by your chosen name, however, i will try to understand better. I love you and God loves you. I am not picking and choosing my love with you. My love has not changed for you since Day 1. Seventeen years, my love for you has always been the same and NOTHING could ever change that. We just have a different definition of love. You said in your fifth paragraph that I think poorly of you but that is an assumption bc I do NOT think poorly of you and you have to understand that. In your sixth paragraph, you said that we ran and you did not push, but I would have to strongly disagree with that statement. In your seventh message you said “why did you never send me a message?” I did not send you a message bc it is not a problem or struggle for me to talk about it with you. Whether you tell me more about it or dont, that still does not change my love for you. I was under the impression that we were just going to look past it. You never told me it was that important to you to talk about it and that is why i did not message you or call you. You also said “why are you so hostile?” I am not hostile but I did act out of anger and I apologize, but you kinda did bash my family on a public blog without confronting them about any of that first. You also said, “you blame me” but honestly Huck, I dont. I was making a point. You blame so much on the family and how we act like you expect us to be perfect. Sometimes you have to analyze yourself and your actions and the concequences of your actions. I hope we are able to talk about this soon. I just really want yall to stop for a second and put yourself in our shoes, as your family and as of nontransgender people. I will listen but you have to talk in order for me to listen. I love you whether you believe it or not. Hope this cleared up some things for you, Huck, and all the other readers.

With love,

Sister

]]> By: Huck's Roommate http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1966 Huck's Roommate Sun, 29 Nov 2009 17:57:40 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-1966 The exchange between Huck and his sister breaks my heart. To Huck's sister- We all grow up with expectations for the people around us. It's not wrong that you had a very different idea for what life would be like for your family. It's completely natural to feel a sense of loss and even anger for your life not unfolding the way you expected it to. Here's the good news: the person you love is still there. If you loved your sibling's sense of humor, it's still there. If you were proud of your sibling's caring interactions with other people, you sibling is still deeply caring. Huck's life may be different from what you expected, but his character is still there. Huck is hard working, treats people respectfully, and has a solid sense of integrity. These qualities have not changed. Huck is also a rare kind of person who feels an internal sense that he can change the world for the better. You have a good deal to be proud of. Furthermore, even if you are highly uncomfortable with Huck's gender, you can be proud that he is trying to live a life as true to who he is as possible. How many of us struggle to gather up the courage to live a life that feels true to ourselves? I think we all do. Huck is remarkable. You could even draw strength from Huck's courage. Even more good news: You have the power to change this story from that of a broken family to a family that rallied around each other, decided to love fiercely, decided to get down in the trenches together and work out some hard stuff. You can change this story. Of course you get to hurt and feel angry for life unfolding in a way that is unexpected. You also get to decide to move forward. I hope you do decide to move forward. Huck's Roommate The exchange between Huck and his sister breaks my heart.

To Huck’s sister-
We all grow up with expectations for the people around us. It’s not wrong that you had a very different idea for what life would be like for your family. It’s completely natural to feel a sense of loss and even anger for your life not unfolding the way you expected it to.

Here’s the good news: the person you love is still there. If you loved your sibling’s sense of humor, it’s still there. If you were proud of your sibling’s caring interactions with other people, you sibling is still deeply caring. Huck’s life may be different from what you expected, but his character is still there. Huck is hard working, treats people respectfully, and has a solid sense of integrity. These qualities have not changed. Huck is also a rare kind of person who feels an internal sense that he can change the world for the better. You have a good deal to be proud of. Furthermore, even if you are highly uncomfortable with Huck’s gender, you can be proud that he is trying to live a life as true to who he is as possible. How many of us struggle to gather up the courage to live a life that feels true to ourselves? I think we all do. Huck is remarkable. You could even draw strength from Huck’s courage.

Even more good news: You have the power to change this story from that of a broken family to a family that rallied around each other, decided to love fiercely, decided to get down in the trenches together and work out some hard stuff. You can change this story. Of course you get to hurt and feel angry for life unfolding in a way that is unexpected. You also get to decide to move forward.

I hope you do decide to move forward.
Huck’s Roommate

]]> By: Samia http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1965 Samia Sun, 29 Nov 2009 06:20:41 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-1965 I'm so sorry to hear you have to go through this, Huck. But I'm overjoyed to know you've got family who validates and loves you just for who you are. Please please please know that you would be terribly missed if you ever hurt yourself. You're such a beautiful, vibrant person, and I just know the future holds great things for you! If you ever randomly need someone to vent to, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me...I know we don't talk a lot, AND THIS DOES NOT MATTER ONE BIT. Seriously. Much love, brother. Never forget-- you've got people! <3 I’m so sorry to hear you have to go through this, Huck. But I’m overjoyed to know you’ve got family who validates and loves you just for who you are. Please please please know that you would be terribly missed if you ever hurt yourself. You’re such a beautiful, vibrant person, and I just know the future holds great things for you! If you ever randomly need someone to vent to, please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me…I know we don’t talk a lot, AND THIS DOES NOT MATTER ONE BIT. Seriously.

Much love, brother. Never forget– you’ve got people! <3

]]> By: Gabrielle http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1964 Gabrielle Sun, 29 Nov 2009 06:09:40 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-1964 I love you now, I loved you then, and I will always be on your side. You're my hero, Huck. *hugs* I love you now, I loved you then, and I will always be on your side. You’re my hero, Huck. *hugs*

]]> By: Huck http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/2009/11/thanksgiving-pt-2/comment-page-1/#comment-1963 Huck Sun, 29 Nov 2009 05:56:47 +0000 http://www.gendersaurusrex.com/?p=609#comment-1963 Sister, Let me start this with I love you. I understand you must be frustrated and angry and hurt being caught in the middle of all of this. That must really suck for you, and I am sorry you have to go through that. Now, listen close. It is not MY responsibility to control your feelings (or mom's or dad's or our brother's). You, and you alone are responsible for your reactions and your actions. You call me selfish, but I think it is incredibly selfish of you to assume that I must be the person to always initiate a conversation about being transgender. Why would I do that, when my sister, who I thought was a loving and caring Christian, is sending me flaming messages on my blog? Why would I try and talk to you when you are obviously unwilling to listen? Why would I try and explain anything to you when you can't even ask yourself? All you do is react. It's your fault as much as its mine, Sister. You said in your comment, "We love and always will and we have told you many times," but Sister, you cannot ever truely love someone without loving ALL of them. You know this. You know that God teaches that you must love the sinner not to sin. If you can love every portion of a person who is a sinner, then why are you picking and choosing your love with me? If you love me, you will learn to accept me. FOR ME. For who I am. For who I have always been. I am sorry I "firmly said NO" that Thanksgiving when you asked, but I was scared of what everyone would think if I said "yes". And you know you would still think as poorly of me then as you do now anyways. Don't lie. As for the "broken family" bit. The only people "tearing this family apart" is you all. You are the ones that cannot accept it, cannot handle it, cannot fathom it, cannot deal with it. I have expressed my feelings on my blog, not made a judgment call on you, or anyone else. I have NEVER pushed you away, but rather you ran. I'm still here, and despite the fact that it is really difficult to be the family scapegoat (since apparently everyone is convinced that it is all my fault and that it is my responsibility to fix your feelings) I keep trying to make amends. Why did you never send me a message? Why are you so hostile? You blame me, but you really have no one to blame but yourself. I hope one day you get to a point where we can discuss this. Where you ask questions. Where I actually feel comfortable telling you everything you want to know. I'll always be yours sister, and I am sorry that I am not a girl. With Love, Huck Sister,

Let me start this with I love you. I understand you must be frustrated and angry and hurt being caught in the middle of all of this. That must really suck for you, and I am sorry you have to go through that.

Now, listen close. It is not MY responsibility to control your feelings (or mom’s or dad’s or our brother’s). You, and you alone are responsible for your reactions and your actions.

You call me selfish, but I think it is incredibly selfish of you to assume that I must be the person to always initiate a conversation about being transgender. Why would I do that, when my sister, who I thought was a loving and caring Christian, is sending me flaming messages on my blog? Why would I try and talk to you when you are obviously unwilling to listen? Why would I try and explain anything to you when you can’t even ask yourself? All you do is react. It’s your fault as much as its mine, Sister.

You said in your comment, “We love and always will and we have told you many times,” but Sister, you cannot ever truely love someone without loving ALL of them. You know this. You know that God teaches that you must love the sinner not to sin. If you can love every portion of a person who is a sinner, then why are you picking and choosing your love with me?

If you love me, you will learn to accept me. FOR ME. For who I am. For who I have always been. I am sorry I “firmly said NO” that Thanksgiving when you asked, but I was scared of what everyone would think if I said “yes”. And you know you would still think as poorly of me then as you do now anyways. Don’t lie.

As for the “broken family” bit. The only people “tearing this family apart” is you all. You are the ones that cannot accept it, cannot handle it, cannot fathom it, cannot deal with it. I have expressed my feelings on my blog, not made a judgment call on you, or anyone else. I have NEVER pushed you away, but rather you ran. I’m still here, and despite the fact that it is really difficult to be the family scapegoat (since apparently everyone is convinced that it is all my fault and that it is my responsibility to fix your feelings) I keep trying to make amends.

Why did you never send me a message? Why are you so hostile? You blame me, but you really have no one to blame but yourself.

I hope one day you get to a point where we can discuss this. Where you ask questions. Where I actually feel comfortable telling you everything you want to know. I’ll always be yours sister, and I am sorry that I am not a girl.

With Love,

Huck

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